Dadssert

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What does mom’s night out mean? For me and Beck, it means Dadssert – anything dad can scrounge from the pantry that includes sugar or sugar-like substances. The only things not allowed are those mom wants us to eat.

The best we could do tonight was a mixture of Crispix, marshmallows and chocolate bars (not nearly as good as the candy salad we made before dinner).

It’s finger food!
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I Switch Which Switch?

Light Switch

Here’s a logic puzzle for your amusement:

You live on the top floor of a highrise. On your desk sits a lamp which is currently off. The lamp has no integral switch. Instead, it is conveniently controlled by a switch in the sub-basement (the architect of the building won an award for creative, ‘green’ building design by placing all of the light switches in the sub-basement to reduce extravagant and wasteful wiring. You may take comfort that the architect also lives in the building, which curiously maintains a box of rotting tomatoes near his apartment door).

Further complicating your life, the light switch is one of three, with the other two switches not connected to anything (the electrician got a deal on salvaged light switches from Botswana). All of the switches are off.

Your task is simple: determine which of the three switches controls the lamp.

Oh, did I mention you are malnourished and only have enough energy to make the trip down to the sub-basement one time (the contractor ‘forgot’ to build the elevator and is currently living like a king in a cardboard box under a bridge. It’s a single-storey box.)

You may go downstairs one time, flip the switches up and down as much as you like, take a nap, or play fetch with the rats, and when you finally arrive back at your apartment, gasping, you must determine which of the three switches controls your lamp. Easy.

You may not use trickery. No tools, voltage meters, cameras, mirrors, trained seals, telephones to talk with someone in your apartment, etc. Just you, the switches, and the lamp.

 

Here’s the solution.

210 Days Until Christmas. Just a Reminder, Robyn.

Carved Wood Snowman Christmas Ornament by Tim Bjella

Here’s one of the snowman ornaments I made sometime in year’s past. I can’t remember when. The premise of the design was that this unfortunate, little snowman was built on the top of a hill. Now it’s at the bottom. So sad. Let that be a lesson to you, kids.

For the coming Christmas, I made a very special snowman ornament for my wife, Robyn. It’s all wrapped up in a box waiting to be opened. Only 210 days to go (just thought you’d want a reminder, Robyn).

Carved Wood Snowman Christmas Ornament by Tim BjellaCarved Wood Snowman Christmas Ornament by Tim BjellaCarved Wood Snowman Christmas Ornament by Tim Bjella

Read the story of my snowman ornaments here.

It’s the Little Things

Cross-country flight today, seated next to a young girl, 6 1/2 years old (not 6 or 6 1/4, but 6 1/2. Very important) and her mom. She didn’t have anything to do, so I gave her my sketchbook to color in and we chatted for much of the flight. Kids like Disney World. Who knew? She left me this note.

Sketchbook Note

Sketchbook Coloring

Yet another reason to always carry a sketchbook (and multi-pencil)!

Lego My Haiku!

Legos with Tim and Beck Bjella
Beck, my nine year old son, liked my first attempt at writing Haiku and wanted to write some together. I suggested we eat candy and play video games instead, but he forced me to sit on the floor and write with him. By way of punishment, I’m considering taking away his broccoli at dinner.

This time the theme is ancient Japanese building blocks, sometimes known as Legos (might be ancient Denmarkian. Who really knows).

 


Click them together,
Can’t get the darn things apart,
Bestest toy ever!


Shiny, red Lego,
Fell out of the brick rainbow.
Now it’s in my soup.

Take the easy route… Naw.

What do you do if your ceiling is high but you want your lights to hang low? Get longer cords, obviously. Unless the word “simple” isn’t in your vocabulary, that is. In which case, you call your friendly local metal fabricator. After a couple of minutes with your phone held away from your ear, answering the question “why do you want to do that?” a couple dozen times, you might get some of these.

Industrial Light Brackets by Arteriors ArchitectsIndustrial Light Brackets by Arteriors Architects Industrial Light Brackets by Arteriors Architects

Best Rooftop in Europe – Touring the Sacre Coeur Basilica

Sacre Coeur Silhouette

If you ever get to Paris, put down your glass of wine and hoof it over to the Basilica of the Sacred Heart. Ride the metro, hail a cab or build a small jetpack out of fire extinguishers if you need to, but just get there. Tour the interior and marvel at the nave and rotunda, but whatever you do, don’t miss the tour across the roof, between the domes. The views are stunning, which only makes sense since it’s built upon the second highest hill in Paris. It is a pretty roof, entirely clad in white stone, rather than the typical metal or tile. But what makes it more impressive to architects like myself are the stone details the masons carved in areas never intended to be seen by the public.

Tim Bjella Sketches - Sacre Coeur Cathedral

Sacre Coeur Cathedral


A stroll between domes,
Impressive is the detail,
Never meant for eyes.


Parisians have a love/hate relationship with the Sacre Coeur, referring to it as the alabaster wedding cake (in French, that means “church of the pale, tubby tourist”). It is glossed over or skipped entirely in most architectural history classes, as well, probably because of its curious blend of Romanesque and Byzantine domes, arches and gables. Not so much blended, but mashed and disproportionately squished together, with bits tacked on. But if you can get past all that, it is a lovely place to spend an afternoon, before dancing the evening away in Montmartre with artists like Picasso, van Gogh, Dali, and Monet, but less dead.

Check out this site for amazing 360 degree panoramic tours of the Sacre Coeur

So, You Want to be an Architect? Hell No, Aerospace Engineer!

Detour Sign

You can’t always get what you want,
But if you try sometimes, you might find,
You get what you need.

– some band from the sixties –

 

The only computer in my high school was a punch-card computer. Believe it or not, there was a time when computers were programmed using little index cards with holes in them. There were hundreds or thousands of them

required for one program (that’s an app, for you youngsters). The entire batch of cards was fed into the computer one card at a time and stored in a box that cried out, “Drop me!, Drop me!” If just one card fell out of place, or if the machine chewed one up (as it often did), you had a

Tim Bjella - Highschool Yearbook
Tim Bjella, High School Yearbook 1982

problem. Drop the box and you may as well start over. Arrrgh! Even back then, who could possibly have thought that was a good idea? I did, actually. I had tech in my blood, along with plenty of youthful enthusiasm (somehow a few platelets managed to squeeze in there, too). A few years of higher education and one of those shiny, not-so-little computers would be mine.

Punchcard Computer

I applied to a number of East Coast Ivy league colleges: Harvard, Princeton, Yale, and M.I.T., throwing in Stanford as a fallback. I wasn’t accepted by any of them. Great SAT scores, extracurricular service activities, various other Space Shuttleaccomplishments and even graduating Valedictorian from high school was not enough. I blame my parents for not donating a hospital wing. Was that too much to ask? So, I was on my way to the University of Minnesota. It wouldn’t end well.

I had dreams of aerospace engineering. It was the early eighties and the Space Shuttle was all the rage. I wanted to design spacecraft, and jet boots, and transparent bikinis (look, I was in high school. I didn’t realize until much later on that I could do that without a degree. {shakes head} all that wasted time…). Aerospace engineering was the place for me. Bikini engineering would be a side job.

I had designed spacecraft since grade school. How hard could aerospace engineering be?
I had been designing spacecraft since grade school. Aerospace engineering should be a cinch.

The first step to realizing my dreams: Introductory Physics for Engineers. This class took place in one of the college’s largest auditoriums, with 600 bleary-eyed students listening through the haze (possibly purple) about force and mass and all kinds of things completely unrelated to scoring with college girls. Come to think of it, not too unrelated, really. I should have paid more attention. It didn’t take too long to realize they were just trying to weed out the students that shouldn’t be there. Like me.

Each week concluded with a test. Always worth 100 points. And, every week me and my geeky friends would be annoyed by the even more geeky Asian students and their curve-breaking high scores (they apparently weren’t scoring the other way – o.k., neither were we, but there was always a chance.). They showed up the rest of us by achieving 7 or 8 points out of a hundred. Jerks. Not the Asian kids, they were cool. The professors. I averaged 3 points a week. 3 out of a hundred! That was a passing score, just barely. What kind of test garners a high score of 8 out of a hundred, week after week after week? One that wasn’t meant to test, obviously, but whose only purpose was to discourage.  But, I got back at them. I quit. But not quite yet.

Rough Road SignWhen the second quarter rolled around I was feeling slightly insecure and inadequate. It didn’t help that the teaching assistant of my calculus class, an Italian grad student who didn’t speak any sort of English I had ever heard before, kept asking me, “Wat? Are you stu-peed?” every time I raised my hand. Needless to say, I soon stopped asking questions. Physics was also getting harder (which is how I learned it is physically possible for something to suck and blow at the same time).

My physics professor was a man known for his Marxist rants in the student newspaper and his Muttley laugh, which everyone would laugh along with (but mostly at) in class.

He was not known for his teaching. He would assign homework problems in areas of physics we hadn’t even covered yet. To this day, I still recount to my therapist one of the physics study problems: Calculate the force created by an electric field based on some unintelligible equation taken from a crashed alien spaceship – without visiting Area 51 or seeing the equation or knowing anything about physics. Not to spoil it for you, but first you had to figure out the shape of an electric field. In this case it was a torus (that’s a donut for you those of you inclined to baked goods). Second, you had to derive the calculus equations to describe said torus and apply these to… hell, I don’t know, I never even figured out the question, much less the solution.

Physics

Thankfully, the professor was also a lazy man. The final exam, worth a full 50% of the grade for the course, was a gruelling 6 hour long nightmare, which we all dreaded (except, maybe, the Asian kids). By chance I discovered that the U of M had a test preparation room hidden deep in the bowels of a building no one knew existed, guarded by attack dogs and killer librarians. Or was that killer dogs and attack librarians? Scary either way. I managed to get in simply by knocking on the door. I didn’t even need a super-secret handshake. Getting out would prove much more difficult. I don’t think the librarian had seen another living soul in months. After chatting til my throat was hoarse, she let me leave, but only if I promised to come back soon. She’s probably still sitting there waiting.

I got what I came for, though: three of my professor’s prior final exams. I now had some idea of what to expect. The week before the exam me and a couple friends from high school solved every single question on those exams. And then solved them again. And again. To be honest, I think my friends may have solved more of them than me. All of them, honestly. But I got the gist of it. It’s physics, right?

Train CrossingThe day of the final exam rolled in like a freight train, with yours truly bound to the tracks. I was barely prepared, just enough to fumble around with the knots and maybe roll off the tracks in the nick of time. A poor score would create a bloody, squishy mess for some railway worker to clean up. An average score, a career handing out Happy Meals. A good score, on the other hand, would invariably lead to pretty girls across campus pointing at my proud, striding form and whispering excitedly, “look, an aerospace engineer is coming!”

There are some moments in time you wish you could live over and over and over, or at least record on video. This was one of them, except cellphones didn’t have cameras yet and people didn’t have cellphones (probably because they didn’t have cameras). The smile on my face has never been as big as when I opened the exam book. Every single problem came straight from one of the professor’s three old exams. I knew every answer before I even read the question.

Needless to say, I aced the exam, with only one incorrect answer (to make it believable), but I didn’t deserve to. I reconciled my guilt by convincing myself I did deserve it because the professor basically forced me to suffer for five loooooooooong hours, pretending to solve physics problems so it wouldn’t look like I cheated. Technically I didn’t cheat. What was I supposed to do? Ask the professor to prepare a special test just for me because he was too lazy to prepare a unique one for an entire class. I couldn’t do that to him. It would have been wrong.

Enter the introductory aerospace engineering course, a required course for aspiring aerospace engineers. Basically, for an entire quarter they dragged one engineer after another into the classroom to talk about what they did for their job – sort of an engineer show and tell. I thought it would be the most worthless course I had ever taken, second only to Greek Mythology. Turns out, it was the most important.

Pitot Static Tube
Pitot static tubes (airspeed indicators)

One day, a nice gentleman came to class and spoke about how he designed the pitot static tube for every plane and missile that moved through his factory (you know, nudge, nudge, the airspeed indicator tube you see sticking out from airplanes. Next time you fly, look for it. Point it out to your friends, or the stranger sitting next to you. They will be SO impressed). When asked what else the engineer did during the day, he said simply, “that’s it.”

Every day? “Yep.”

I knew, then, I HAD to get out of this place and switch majors.

Aerospace? Hell no!
To Architecture I go.
The journey is long.

So, when my twin sister was recruited for the diving program at Arizona State University, I tagged along, but not before asking, “Are there any girls there?”

“Only tan ones,” she replied.

’nuff said.

 

End Detour

 

Stay tuned for Part II, Tim’s Revenge…